4 tuesday

*disclaimer: this is a series of the events that took place when i was admitted to hospital. i wrote a journal of the visit and decided to share it with you. because it’s awesome. all or most spelling mistakes are intentional.*


regular routine extept HALLO who’s that under my sheets comin in for a big surprise?

it’s funny when you don’t get a hard on you notice it and when it comes back you don’t know what the fuck to do with it. and i just wanna piss. but even with my special cup i would probably just piss straight in my face.

so i get to goin to the baffroom. maybe i could jerk off when i get there. nope it’s gone. just take a piss man.

arright so as i said. regular routine so i’ll cut out meals.

did they move the neighbour bird right across the hall? all i can make out is

ow ow ow ow



ow ow ow

i can’t





dreg come’s in.

i here him all “right in here?” ‘n shit to th’nurse an’ he’s like “i toadly thought you went t’edmonton ‘rsomething i was like calling and then i was talking to matt and he’s like “he’s at the hospital if you wanna see him” and so i came in this morning. i do randy travis tonight and i thought i’d come in i meet matt at 9 30″

that was exactly what i wanted him t’think. i was in edmonton. i didn’t want my peeps seein me all fucked up. man they would’ve been scared.

so i started tell’n him about fuck head and why i got a room to myself and he’s like “right on”

anyways. gotta work

i would say my dad’s real good at keepin me in scoop cuz he come’s in to rap about my cultures and how nothing’s shown up and how even with the anti-bs my system is still dirt bike riding as to whether i’m getting better or not. I’m looking better 🙂

chaney show’s up and mother fucker’s got instructions about what the guy at INFECTIOUS DISEASES had to say about testin fr this shit writ’n all ovr his fuckn pants. so we pulled the list. all the SOCIALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES, TUBERCULOSIS, fuckin, ANTI-BACTERIAL RESISTANT STAPH and more than i can’ remember but we got a list comin. they scheduled me fr an MRI which is a great way of finding out more about if my joint is indeed infected or not and so thr basically saying the testing will procede.

i’m a little pissed because what it means to me is “yr not going home today, or tomorrow, or fuckin ever fuck”

fuck fuck fuuuuuck i jss wanna gt outa here! prison’s nice and all but gee zeus. I get free meals thrs always people around the conversations are great to listen to buttfuck.

mum brought me macdonalds mum brought me macdonalds na na na na na. na. mum brought me macdonalds

big mac? awe. oh well. yes. th’best ma

where’s my fuckin drink?

“we gotta fat’n you up so eat up”

awesome *mmfckndrnkmdrnkbwhtv*

all the nurses wr so totally eyin up ma prize. woo!

oh hey deblik how’s it goin?

i continue my story from whr i left and we talk about nothing and he get’s back to gettin to the show

mum brings on some beef stroganoff yes.

we go hang out at the lounge fr some tv

fuck head’s in there so we chill a little longer and then get in there.

MARY-ANNE again 🙂

so i gotta get my iv changed up and mrs schmidt’s gotta call in the heavies

i won’t be disclosing her name but apparently an old radio is a great way to burn down the restaurant you own and hate then turn it’s beautiful cedar tongue-in-groove frame into your beautiful new house. you can thank me later.

there’s not anything on it’s like 7 so i put it on “the boys” and finish watching that episode

me and my mums chat and in walks oldy.

“put it on 52 rickee” ina subtle british timelessly canadian voice. she’s like ahundrid.

r’ckee looks t’us

“oh it’s fine”

meanwhile what i’m actually thinking is

“what the fuck, she didn’t even ask she’s just gunna die soon anyways why do people give old people so much respect anyway?! …”

and 52’s like, the weather channel.

“what do you wanna watch”

“try 52 ricki”

he doesn’t go to 52 he goes to the classic movie channel

“oooh i don’t wanna watch this go up”

so he goes to like 2 maybe the listings channel

“oooh go to 6 ricky”

Jeopardy’s over and… Wheel of Fortune. not bad.

we finish up our chat mum goes i go fr a quik strut

hey there’s carrie

i get to my room fr some sleepy time

“carrie come

carrie carrie

carrie come




carrie come”

nope i guess that wasn’t the neighbour bird across from me cuz there he is

and is that ricky’s voice?

must be on the phone talkin way too fast fr mums

“oh yeah and we got VENTRILOQUIST”

Stuart Driedger

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One thought on “4 tuesday

  1. […] 4 Tuesday morning wood when i first heard about staph, i was like woah really, you can almost die from that? his mum makes best beef stroganoff. on tv he puts on Trailer Park Boys, rickee puts it on turner classic movies and Wheel of Fortune where they guess ventriloquist […]

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