Textual Transcripts 3 (Pont and the New Guy)

The following is a transcription of today’s business meeting. Parts 1 and 2 are here.

  • Stuart Driedger (SD)
    Thinkin bout some denny’s latenight
  • Pont
    I’m bummed all by myself, had one of my most pathetic days today. Fuck I want Denny’s
  • (SD)
    Great! I’ll be there in ten hours.
    Lolz
  • Pont
    Don’t tease, you arsehole.
  • (SD)
    I was thinking of going to *censored* … Next week i’d be free til thursday
    Mon – Thursday
  • Pont
    No fucking Way, I only work tuesday
  • (SD)
    I have this song should be recorded haha
  • Pont
    Song recorded you say?
  • (SD)
    Yea lolz
  • Pont
    Hyuckhyuck
  • (SD)
    Is that your comedian laugh
  • Pont
    That’s my cartoon character laugh
  • (SD)
    I was gonna guess again thanks a lot.
    Ruin my life
  • Pont
    Fuckin boohoohoo
    What song izzit? Have i heard it?
  • (SD)
    No that new one.
    I might have $300
    Getting denny’s
    So i’m gonna eat a lot here at th’ol den‘s
  • Pont
    Please describe for me exactly what you are ordering.Their menu is like a moebius strip, man. It’s endless. Unbelievable.
    dennys menujapanese dennys
  • (SD)
    Starting with a burger
    dennys meat
  • Pont
    I have been playing pokemon emerald to keep my head steady all day. Yelling matches abound.
  • (SD)
    God i hate conflict. So boring
    A single burger on a sesame bun with lettuce tomata grilled onion mao chipotle and mozarella with a side caeser … For now
    Then i will get breakfast
  • Pont
    Oh my god, the caesar especially sounds so good
    Omg please consider not getting pancakes
  • (SD)
    And breakfast will be the yuje
    I will have either the lumberjack slam or the all american slam
  • Pont
    Lumberjack slam is so good. SO GOOD.
    lumberjackslam
  • (SD)
    But i thought you hated pancakes
    I wanna swap my cakes or toast for something
  • Pont
    Yeah but you can sub that shit for waffles if you’re a balla
  • (SD)
    Yeah but i don’t like pancakes or waffles
  • Pont
    Fuck, you get toast with the slam anyway.
  • (SD)
    Oh yeah snap
  • Pont
    Or you could french up that toast
  • (SD)
    I’ll prob get four items make my own slam
  • Pont
    Or sub for EXTRA MEAT which is also totally acceptable
    I am so invested in this meal.
  • (SD)
    Yuppers
    Just got my salad and my mustache goes in my mouth with my food
  • Pont
    I had a BLT today. goddam PERFECT BACON. fuck.
  • (SD)
    Jealous
  • Pont
    Hahaha enjoy your mustache meal. Do you have to wash your whiskers before you sleep?
  • (SD)
    I guess i do
    It happened so suddenly
  • Pont
    The mustache?
  • (SD)
    Yeah
    And beard
    I had a night when it was great and now its long
  • Pont
    Then, suddenly…. Mustache. Did you ever watch the michael swaim video where S.W.A.I.M stands for “say whaaaaaaa instant mustache

    pictured: swaim. not pictured: instant mustache

    pictured: swaim.
    not pictured: instant mustache.

  • (SD)
    No
  • Pont
    Hahaha I just remembered this thing scott used to say about me
    “there comes time in every man’s life when Pont.”
  • (SD)
    How should i build my own slam?
    Hahaha
  • Pont
    You must watch that swaim. I can’t believe this. I forget which one it is even.
  • (SD)
    Are you like Cranbrook?
    It’s crazy!!! This feels like self cannibalism
  • Pont
    Yeah, I basically stole the Cranbrook joke from scott, and from this saying about 4chan that goes around: “not even once”
    Eggs, Bacon, French toast, Ham
  • (SD)
    dunno about the french toast
  • Pont
    Is your mustache flavoring the food nicely?
    yumyumyum
  • (SD)
    lol no groSs
  • Pont
    GroSs with a capital s
    Even
  • (SD)
    Maybe when i switch meals
  • Pont
    Mmmm
    I an picturing you alone at dennys with your hilarious cool beard, ordering meal after meal while texting constantly
  • (SD)
    yes good
    I’ma get my server to take a picture
  • Pont
    It’s a good image
    Omg PLEASE
  • (SD)
    Maybe when he brings the next plate
  • Pont
    Email and text it too
  • (SD)
    Should i do my epic crying face?
    k i don’t wanna forget
  • Pont
    Do the face. Or that face you make like in the accordion video
  • (SD)
    kk
    With he lips?
  • Pont
    Yes with the lips, what am I a fucking idiot? Of course with the lips.
  • (SD)
    I can’t even totally remember the video
    is this right?

beard mar 5

  • Pont
    It’s your stare of terrifying unbreaking intensity
    That’s not what i was taking about but it’s still fucking gold
  • (SD)
    You want me staring at the camera?
  • Pont
    Hahaha omg you have mustache fangs, those two patches under your nostrils are like 5mm longer
  • (SD)
    “catchin my breath letting it go, turning my cheek for the sake of the show…”
  • Pont
    Not necessarily staring at the camera, I trust your creative judgement here
  • (SD)
    thanks
    Google those lyrics.
  • Pont
    Is that what they’re playing at denny’s?
  • (SD)
    Yup
  • Pont
    I can’t believe how awesome that beard is hahahahahahaha
  • (SD)
    Yup
    Big
  • Pont
    Can’t even.
  • (SD)
    Huge compared to the last photo

beard Mar 1

  • Pont
    You want me to google those lyrics? Why?
  • (SD)
    I thought you neede to be refreshed with the tune but you work in a social establishment you prob already know
  • Pont
    You must have done something incredibly manly to have sprouted so much beard so fast
  • (SD)
    Yeah i murdered a whale
    dick
  • (SD)
    My friend told me i’m depressed cuz i prob nee to eff
  • Pont
    you murdered a whale and you killed dufresne. You salty dog you
  • (SD)
    He might be right. but he also said maybe i’m overwhelmed by the goodness that is taking place right now.
    the whale was easy
  • Pont
    Oh? Is that real? I managed fine sans effing in toronto and until I was 21
  • (SD)
    Yeah i dunno, the whole sex relieving thing is debateable
  • Pont
    It does to some capacity. I dunno.
  • (SD)
    I was being flip
    Of course its stress relief
  • Pont
    Men tell me its different for men. How the fuck they would know is beyond me.
  • (SD)
    Yeah even oppositely. it’s impossible
  • Pont
    Stress and depression though. Usually depression becomes lack of sex drive, but I don’t know about the reverse.
  • (SD)
    i dunno all i know is no matter how much you mutilate your genitals you will never know what it is to be the opposite sex.
    Here ya go

tablefulladens

  • Pont
    OMG IT’S PERFFECT I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING PERFECT OH MY GOD
    Please email please please
  • (SD)
    K ok
    I emailed
    Anyways bread hash eggs sausage
    Bacon
  • Pont
    Everything you said is agreeable
  • (SD)
    Why are rappers in pop music so identical
  • Pont
    Meh everything in pop culture evolves slowly
  • (SD)
    Oh great sounds like michael jackson being ripped off again
    Don’t you love how michael does duets after death, with people he might not have had any appreciation for.
    Fuckin voices from the dead…
    Oh and those mfs are just rubbin the autotune
    How is it even legal?
    Its not like the record company owns his shit. omg his kids are gonna prob sue these fags when they come of age.
  • Pont
    Hahaha it’s all legal. Super motherfucking legal
  • (SD)
    God have you seen how fat xtina is hahaha propper for a catholic bitch, her tits are probly saggy as a mf
  • emptytablefulladens(SD)
    done. bed time or what the fuck ever
  • Pont
    Wow. Impressive. Good night, sir.
  • (SD)
    Nah nah i have to still leave
    Seriously check xt’s last video
    Beyonce looks haggard now too.
    Just old.
  • Pont
    The only funny part of how xtina is fat is that she says to the media “I’m so comfortable with my body, ugh, the media is so lame” and then she wears corsets fucking EVERYWHERE.
  • (SD)
    Whelp. i am having an information overload on my brain.
    That’s what i decided it is. all this crazy talk.
  • Pont
    Stop it dummy.
  • (SD)
    I get overloaded with information i no longer wish to process.
    Because everytime i’m forced to process it, it goes to the same pile and its like “i thought i already threw this in the trash”
    I am having a processing error.
    Maybe i should have pie?
    Are the brownies ever good?
  • Pont
    Oh yes. that should not be a question but a statement
  • (SD)
    Its too bad, now i want a whole pie
    Have you seen the meme 3.14 = PIE
    When you flip the numbers
    Mirror them
  • Pont
    No way
  • (SD)
    Yeah like 4 mirrored is P
    Right
    3 backwards is E
  • Pont
    It’s divine.
  • (SD)
    Which one pie or brownie?
    I don’t want cheese cake
    or chocolate cake
    Pie or brownie p
    WHICH IS IT
    RED PILL OR BLUE PILL
    Brownie
  • Pont
    No cheese cake thinks it’s all that but it’s not. My vote goes to pie or chocolate cake. Pie if you’re feeling rustic, cake if you’re feeling decadent
  • (SD)
    A la mode
    The deal is done
    jk
    I could have pie
  • Pont
    Omg just eat desert you’re killing me
  • (SD)
    I’m doing brownie for reals.
    Two bees are making fun of me its perfect
    What’s denny’s number so i can call my server
  • Pont
    Ha really? That’s a compliment right there
    2504268866
  • (SD)

    Pffff
    I really get suicide now. Its to turn the noise off.
    Wow music is really boring
  • Pont
    shut up. Stop giving me red flags, it scares me but I want to be all blase about suicide
  • (SD)
    Shit is noisy. My life is noisy right now. i’ds like that to stop.
    I don’t liek the feedback life is giving me and that is bullshit
    too loud
  • Pont
    turn it down to -1 should be slang for suicide
  • (SD)
    Yeah haha like “go kill yourself” should be “how bout you go right ahead and turn it down to -1”
    Sorry p my phone died
    brownie wff icequeem.

brownbrownsbrowns

  • Pont
    Fuuuuuck I want
  • (SD)
    yup. ate aaaaallllll that
  • Pont
    :V
  • (SD)
    I’m so full
  • Pont
    Now I want noodles and peas
  • (SD)
    Ha
  • Pont
    Now I’m so full
  • (SD)
    Good
  • Pont
    Oh my ray babies love noodles
    They’re so old, just a few more months i think
  • (SD)
    raY babies what?
  • Pont
    Rat oops
  • (SD)
    word
    So you ate with them just now?
    Like some sick ritual
  • Pont
    Kinda. When I have just a little left I eat the rest by the cage and give them noodles one at a time
  • (SD)
    gyuckh
    Mgna puka
    jk
  • Pont
    My dark, sick ritual
  • (SD)
    Yeah that’s more like it
  • Pont
    They are so sweet, they noble so gently on my finger
    *nibble
  • (SD)
    Noble gently
    Noble all up and down
  • Pont
    Ha!
  • (SD)
    Until b is all weegee
  • Pont
    I’m weeging so hard right now
  • (SD)
    Nobler gotcha

epilogue

  • Pont
    I can’t get over your lonely dinner picture. I was laughing when I woke up
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