Texual Transcripts 5 (Stuart and BMCMB)

The following is a highly unauthorized transcription of today’s highly unauthorized business meeting.

vintage_levis_ad1

BMCMB
I love wearing men’s jeans

SD
Ha!

BMCMB
Men’s jeans make me look like an early suffragette who just ain’t give a damn, going on safari with her brothers.
annie peck smoke

I also love looking like shit after a night of drinking and dressing hyper-feminine. Like a tired-ass groupie face, sex-and-sweat-and-aerosol hair, rococo prim clothes, pastels and florals and shit.

SD
Hahaha!

BMCMB
And when i dress in baggy ass men’s slacks and tucked in white buttonup, you know my hair and makeup be perfect, son.
katherine-hepburn-trousers

SD
Nice use of descriptive words
So did I tell you? My band is all “come back to ed, we need you!.

BMCMB
That is some briskly painfully obvs sign right there bru.

SD
Scary

BMCMB
So……..?????

Hey, I’ve got a sweet knock knock joke. Start it off for me.

SD
Knock knock
Knock knockin
Knock!
KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK!!!!
HELLO?!
ANYBODY HOME?!
!!!!
THUMP HUMP THUMP!!!
😦
😥
Knock
Knock

BMCMB
Who’s there?

SD
Ugh, bout bloody time

BMCMB
WHO’S THERE DUMBASS?
HAHAHAHAHA WHO’S THEEEERRRRE
You’re so STOOPID
HAHAHAHAHA

SD
That is not a good knock knock joke

BMCMB
STEWIT DRIEDJISS!!!!HAHAGA

SD
I feel hurt
wait… when you have a knock knock joke aren’t you supposed to start?

BMCMB
WHO’S THERE?
Nobody’s there because you is so STOOPID
Yeah that’s the joke, derper.

SD
Wow.

BMCMB
You didn’t even ask you just started it for me.

SD
You are a fucking jerk. Dick.
Who’s there?

BMCMB
YOU DIDN’T THINK IT THROUGH DRIEDJISSSSSS
Plus you knock knocked like forty seven times and didn’t and didn’t even catch on

SD
I knew after one. I just wanted to see how it would play out
I’ma parents right now. For food.

BMCMB
Yeah RIGHT STEWIT DRIEDJISSSSSS
“the young will now return to its parent’s nest for his regurgitated feeding”

SD
I’m no bird

BMCMB
“the father will assert his dominance over his offspring by demanding to know what he’s planning on doing with his expensive music degree and what kind of a career is that anyway in a family full of doctors?”

SD
Lololol

BMCMB
God I just keep getting these SNAPS on you, driedjiss! YOU MUVVAFUCKAAAA

SD
Snaps?

BMCMB
YOU AIN’T CAN’T DO NUFFIN DRIEDJISS

SD
😦
ANGRY FACE* Can so!
“pre sliced cheddar
Mmm beef stroganoff!

BMCMB
It’s always stroganoff with you

SD
Its true
Always

BMCMB
So … Internet stuff, how about that.
Let’s talk business
did you know michael swaim is single now? And my panties now have a singular mission to mail themselves to him.
There. Internet stuff.

swaimfood

SD
Let’s do it. Actually mail them to him.

BMCMB
Let’s do it totally.
Awesome idea. How do we find his mailing address? Just mail them to cracked? Pont will be so mad I thought of it first.

SD
The older I get the more I think about how painfully obvious things don’t change. Then newman reminded me “people are afraid of change” in lieu of this comment, it is important to send your panties to swaim.
Yes mail them to cracked.
He will definitely get them.
And a note that says “this is a joke and for serious.”

BMCMB
Hey what about that bitches album we’re supposed to be doing? I got paid for it already, you know. What’s the deal with that? And santa. Aren’t you supposed to be doing a comic?

SD
Goal D doesn’t want to release the “grrlfrendzz” album til june. maybe july.
He wants to do the whole cd release party and everything
Speaking of hotdogs.. Mmmmm

BMCMB
Aw dang that is like super official
BUSINESS
Now we can do one of those transcripts you guys are always doing that I always get excluded from, even though the stuff I text you is GOLD.

SD
Pffffff you don’t do business, you’re Leventine’s doodle-bitch
I have these real photos I wanted to use for the second album which will be titled “the awesomist” but I might use for a promo for grrlfrenbdzz.
Effing phone

BMCMB
jaja

SD
We want to a stupid ad for yamaha since they need no advertising. One with a motorbike a guitar and a lawnmower
Unfortunately locating these things might be hard.

BMCMB
Um. no they won’t. Especially not in cranbrook.

SD
What? Yamaha products?
Suits and ties are quite a ridiculous illusions.

BMCMB
Oh. Yamaha specific…

SD
Yamaha.
The vocals would be all “yam yam yam ama haama hama”
Mmm

BMCMB
Suits and ties are the best illusions. Sexist illusions.

SD
Word

BMCMB
I remember in high school, all the hockey boys had to wear suits to school on game day. My girlfriend Kitty from out of town just happened to be with me when we ran into one. She loved him so hard in that suit, talked about him nonstop for a few days, wanted me to get them together at this party.

SD
Lolz

BMCMB
When she saw him at the party in civilian clothes she totally lost her boner. She was like hot damn I’m totally shallow and didn’t even realize. It was the suit. The suit.
I sent you a really important email just now.
It’s really important.

SD
K

BMCMB
Check it. Check it. Check it.

SD
I don’t see it yet
“She’s not pretty she’s attractive” my mom on rihanna. Hahaha!

gunrhi
pictured: not pretty

BMCMB
Your mom knows her shit
Did you get that thing I sent you?
btw. It’s very important.

SD
“Here are my nails” skittles
…Nice

CUT YOU

that thing I sent him

BMCMB
yeah fuck you driedjisss you see those nails? I will CUT YOU WITH THEM DRIEDJISS YOU GAHBIDGE

SD
So I’m guessing Pont posted that denny’s conversation. She’s kind of a jerk huh?
Hahaha!
ursa sent it to her yet managed to avoid mentioning she is a total fag! And cursed with attraction for straight girls.
…jerk. Humiliating me. Lolz jk!

BMCMB
Ohsheeeit. She’s gonna get a taste of her own troll medicine when we post this . She thinks she’s fooling people.
And she’s going to END you specifically.

SD
Hahaaa! You’re not so innocent.

BMCMB
Totes am.
Did I tell you my new nickname at work?
Bambi.

SD
Oh deer

BMCMB
Innocent as all shit

SD
No you’re innocent

BMCMB
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa*passes out*

SD
Ninja turtles ii

tmntmuscles

BMCMB
No shut up, nostalgic references break the internet. That’s like Pont’s only job around here.

SD
Hahaha I rarely watch tv
Its necessary I reference every important thing I see

BMCMB
It’s necessary you stop taking about how you don’t watch tv you hipster trash

SD
Correction. I don’t own a tv.
notvhipster

BMCMB
Ugh. UGH.

SD
My dad just said he wants to watch the last samurai haha oh the jokes

lastsamuraitroll
Starring Troll Cruise

BMCMB
Loolololol whitey saves the day in every race at every point in history!
Samurai-era japan? WHITEY WAS THERE KEEPING THAT SHIT REAL
Ok for reals, it’s sudden interruption nap time

SD
Duh

BMCMB
Oh yeah like you know about when I nap, shut up.
You don’t know shit about naps, I got this shit down to a science

SD
They changed the voices for turles two?!
Like where is feldman?

BMCMB
I could nap on a mardi gras float, sport.
Fuck turtles. don’t like em. I’m all about naps.
Yeah, look up tmnt and the comic daredevil.

SD
K…

BMCMB
They are connected
Gnight

SD
Gnight
tmnthatersdisco

-Cursory edits and links by an irate Pont

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2 thoughts on “Texual Transcripts 5 (Stuart and BMCMB)

  1. […] ursa that post?!?! that transcript?!?! […]

  2. […] ursa that post?!?! that transcript?!?! […]

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